Monday, April 19, 2010

Good News

My body is responding to the meds for high blood pressure, which is great because what they're testing me for, renal artery stenosis, does not usually respond to medication. Still have the MRA this Friday though, so I'll know more next week.

I haven't been journaling much here because I've been doing a lot of the old fashioned journaling with paper and pen :) Sometimes, I feel like I censor myself here and I don't like it. In my old fashioned journal I can say whatever I feel at the time without judgement. It's nice. I keep it next to my bed. I journal when I'm happy, when I'm sad... when I find a quote I love, and when I need to vent. You know, whenever...

Joel says he doesn't read it, lol, but I always tell him I wouldn't mind if he did. Sometimes, I'll read him an old entry from when I was pregnant, or back when we were in high school and we were dating... (we're high school sweethearts, started dating when I was 15) and we laugh. It's funny reading my thoughts from back then.

But I don't like reading the entries when I was going through PPD... I look back and I just want to reach out and touch that person I use to be, and tell her things will go back to normal someday soon. They're really sad... I'm thankful I have them though, the entries, because it's easy to forget all that I went through. Depression is something I firmly believe you won't fully understand in less you've been through it. It's like a fog, and all you want is to be the old you. And I think it's something easy to forget like the pains of childbirth. You know it was horrible, but looking back it doesn't look so bad... but it was, your memory is just being kind.

I want to try to write more here again, it's nice having people comment and express their opinions too... and it's nice having the offline journal too, where it's just me and no comments :)

2 comments:

  1. What I like about having an open blog is the friendship you strike up with people. It's quite extrodinary how "strangers" can uplift your spirit & help brighten your day.

    I do understand about comments or feeling judged. I have an anonymous blog regarding 18 yrs of my life and what I was involved in. I"ve made mention of it here and there, but it's such a touchy subject with me and really, unless you've lived it, you'll NEVER understand (like you said regarding depression-by the way, been there).

    Anyhoo-I'm glad things are going fine with the test n' all-here's believing for more good news after the MRA:)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Lucy you are so right!

    ReplyDelete

"Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime." -Dale Carnegie

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