Monday, July 18, 2011

I choose to be happy.

I've been a crazy blogger today.  This weekend has been filled with raw emotions... forgive me.

After dwelling, I've come to the conclusion... I need to look at this, our baby, in a positive light.  I need to think of Jude in Heaven.  I need to think of our baby waiting for us.  I need to think of Jack having a sibling, just in another world.

I spent a lot of time worrying today.  I thought about the likelihood of having another ectopic pregnancy, the percentage the doctor told vs. what I googled.  They are vastly different.

Google is the devil.  Seriously, don't do it.  It's the first time I've googled anything about this whole ectopic pregnancy (my Mom did enough to scare the both of us in the beginning).

(Wow I cannot spell today... apparently I need help from macbook to spell ectopic and vastly, I feel dumb.)

I kept thinking how I didn't want Jack to be an only child, but in reality- he's not.  I believe this was a baby.

I looked back at recent posts about being happy and it really is all in the way you view life.  There is nothing good about what happened, but I can't change that.  I can only view our baby in a positive light now, otherwise I just put myself in a depressing mood.

I'm thinking about getting a piece of jewelry to remember from etsy.  I'm not ready yet... but when the time comes when I can bring myself to sit down and think about the due date, I will get this necklace when he/she was due.  I know the time will come.  It's just too soon right now.  I actively try not to think about it, I won't allow myself to do the math.

I'm going to have it engraved with the name Jude.

2 comments:

  1. You are right. Google is evil when you aren't looking up happy stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I adore these necklaces and often look @ them online. Amen to google being the devil. When I first lost and after a few more it is all I would do...my fingers would type away and ask the same ?s over and over and over again. Looking for any glimpse of women feeling the same symptoms, emotions...anything. my husband would get so upset. I don't nearly as much anymore but catch myself here and there. Happiness is a beautiful thing and I try to tell myself that if I get a glimpse of it each day, it can only get better eventually. Wishing you a happy filled Tuesday! Xo Maria

    ReplyDelete

"Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime." -Dale Carnegie

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