Wednesday, August 3, 2011

I'm breaking my promise.

I promised myself I wouldn't be that person who blogged about my weight anymore.  I decided to let go of that struggle.

I didn't want the chronicles of my life to involve this struggle.  I don't want people to associate me with a struggle with weight loss.

But it is who I am.  It is a struggle I deal with daily.  It is a part of me.  I feel like it's like an alcoholic blogging and ignoring their biggest struggle in life.  It seems wrong.  Almost fake.

So this is me saying I have a problem.  A problem most Americans do face.  I'm slowly killing myself.  That is my reality.  And if I don't fix this now, I will end up having a heart attack, stroke, diabetes or cancer.

I feel like a horrible example to Jack.  I want more for him.  I don't want to pass my struggle onto him.

My whole life I have struggled with weight issues.  In high school, I lost a huge amount of weight, only to gain it back when I got married.

Since I had Jack my weight has went up and down and it fluctuates not by single digits but by 10lbs or more constantly.  It is consuming.  It is always in the back of my mind.

I want to win this battle.  I want to be the role-model I need to be.  I need to hold myself accountable, and I know it's a lifestyle change I have to make.  It's going to rock every aspect of our life.

So this is me saying I want better for us.

I don't want to blog about this, it's embarrassing, but I think holding myself accountable like this is a huge step in the right direction.

Change is good.

I'll be blogging occasionally on this subject.  Just bare with me...

changes


"It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver."
-Mohandas Gandhi 

5 comments:

  1. olivia, i think you are so brave and i admire your honesty. i too, have struggled with weight issues my whole life. more so, body perception. i was borderline anorexic a few times in my life and only got a hold of myself a few years ago when i let it go. i know it is something that is always with you at times and i think it is wonderful you are talking about it and doing what you need to do. last month i did something i couldn't believe and put my weight on my blog w/ a pic of me standing on scale...bc the number just doesn't matter to me...it is the way i feel.
    i'm wishing you lots of luck and know i understand. i used to eat lettuce all day just to lose ten pounds...it was a vicious cycle. i'm here for you! <3
    thinking of u!
    maria :)

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  2. Maria you are the best, thanks so much for sharing with me!

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  3. thank you so much for your sweet comment.
    it is crazy what our bodies do to our minds far too often. where i wish you couldn't relate to a lot of my post, i'm so comforted that i'm not alone.
    so cute, you corrected "maris"...hahaha
    i can be maris...at this point, i don't even know what my name is ;)
    lots of prayers to you gf!
    <3

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  4. I think your amazing Liv. YOU WILL CONQUER you are that type of a person. I know you can do this!! It won't be easy but the best things in life are the ones you fight hard to accomplish :) I love you. Your an amazing soul and a beautiful girl. I have nothing but highest opinions of you.

    I'M here for you every step of the way! You are extremely brave and Jack is very lucky to have you.

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  5. If you need any support I would love to have someone to talk to about this. I've been struggling with weight my whole life too and I'm starting to feel like I've already lost the fight. So having people to commiserate would be really helpful. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete

"Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime." -Dale Carnegie

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