Friday, June 22, 2012

slowing down


Do you hear the crickets?

This post was longgg over-due... but I think it's good when life takes over occasionally and you do fall behind in other areas.  Family always comes first in this house.

Last week our internet was shut off (opps!) for three days, and while it was a huge inconvenience, it was nice to have a cyber break.  Sometimes I feel like God puts obstacles there on purpose, to force you to change, to slow down... to focus on something else.  It forced me to pick-up a book, to write with pen and paper and to take a short break from client emails.  The saying "blessing in disguise" has entered my mind more often than not lately.

A few posts back I was seriously stressing over a lot of things, nothing huge or major but the normal stresses of life.  Everyone has tasks to accomplish, bills to pay, places to be, cars that break-down... I think at the end of the day it's important to look around and if you have family by your side, then that's all you need.  Although, if you are a stay at home Mom I've realized lately I NEED to get out of this house!  So if that happens again I will be leaning hard on others to come pick my ass up! :)~  I will be rude and invite myself over.  I will call you and tell you I'm going crazy! (haha) I've also been learning a lot lately that I need to ask for help more.  I need to call people and give them the chance to say "yes" or "no" and not just assume we will not fit into their life.

I've already made it known to a few family members that our baby situation is going to be kicked up a notch and at 32 weeks (I'm 30 weeks now) I'll be starting NST's (non-stress tests) twice weekly and hopefully I can lean on them for support and to take me occasionally when Joel's schedule does not allow him to be with me and to help with Jack.  I may also need to see my diabetes counselor often in Dayton too, but I'm hoping I can just check in over the phone.

Yes, I said diabetes counselor.

I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes on Monday.  I originally didn't want to tell a soul.  I felt guilty.  I felt like I caused this.  I felt embarrassed.  Before I failed, when I even mentioned the gestational diabetes test (which all pregnant women must take and is the #1 complication in pregnant women) someone said to me, "I thought you already had problems with that."  And my brain turned it into... "they assume you have diabetes because of your weight."  It didn't feel good.

And after the phone call Monday, confirming I failed the 3 hour glucose test... I spent a lot of time googling, and educating myself.  Then I got up from the couch and I took a hot shower and I cried.

Cried because I felt like I could have prevented this.  And as much truth as there is that I could have slightly lowered my chances, there are plenty of pregnant women who are health buffs and are being diagnosed with gestational diabetes all the time.

So that's my big skeleton I've been trying to keep shoved in the closet.  But, after learning all the extra monitoring I'll have endure and also the major diet change that I started since Monday (I have never wanted a milkshake more in my life) I felt like I really need a few family members to know.

This is forcing me to eat really healthy, and I find since I'm doing it for not just for me, but someone else... it's much easier to stick to.

This maybe another blessing in disguise.  It's causing me to slow down and focus completely on my health and this baby.  And my hope is that the healthy eating habits, become just that- hardcore habits that stick with me even after this pregnancy.


  1. hang in there!

    I had gestational diabetes, but I never knew until sara came 10 weeks early. And it didn't go away. I felt those same feelings. BUT, hang in there. YOu are beautiful and amazing and a fantastic mom. just 10 more weeks :)

    1. Thanks for sharing with me Heather, it's always nice to know you're not alone :)

  2. There is nothing to be ashamed of Liv. You are an absolutely beautiful woman. I have a working car if schedules conflict :) Take care of yourself and Jude...he will be here before you know it.

  3. olivia, i'm in total agreement with the ladies above. you are so beautiful - inside and out. i don't think for a second the gestational diabetes is "your fault."
    i love your perspective on blessings in disguise. they seem to be all around us too. and sometimes, it is just what you need.
    family comes first...when i read that, i was like, yep, she's my typa girl! i couldn't agree more!
    i've been thinking about you and checking your blog. and was happy to read this post.
    happy 30 weeks. i will be sending lots of prayers your way and love always.
    enjoy a relaxing weekend <3

  4. Hope all goes well..I know all about those non-stress test

  5. so two of my best friends were recently diagonosed with this, so to me it seems pretty common! i actually have my screening on tuesday (i'm 28 weeks now) we'll see how it goes. i eat A LOT of sugar...i know i shouldn't..but..that's my skeleton, haha :)


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