Tuesday, July 3, 2012

a new relationship with food


     I've officially been on the gestational diabetes diet now for a little over two weeks and I have followed it hardcore.  I'm talking all healthy foods, the worse thing I've ate is turkey lunch-meat and ovaltine.  And I probably went over my carb allowance once at a wedding I photographed this past weekend.  I blame the caterer, he gave me a huge heaping of mashed potatoes and they were staring at me and I couldn't help myself.  They were divine.

     This is the healthiest I've eaten since I can remember when.  Obviously I could eat small portions of bad things like ice cream if I really wanted to, but honestly- that sounds like pure torture.  I decided from day one if I was going to do this I was going to do this right.

     My diabetes counselor took a look at my diet from the first week and told me it was perfect, she was really impressed with my googled knowledge and even said I could eat more carbs and calories if I wanted to.  I left the center feeling really good about things.

     It's been hard though.  At first I was a little bitter.  This whole pregnancy I had been looking forward to fair food, ha!  An elephant ear, lemon shake-up... you name it.  It's pretty much shot to hell.  And the best part about being pregnant in the hot summer?  A yummy milkshake... yeah- no more of that!  I felt really deprived and a bit sorry for myself.  No more treats.  And I have been avoiding eating out.  Right now I don't feel confident enough to do that.

     It's been easy when it comes to feeding Jack because the kid has always ate healthy, he eats basically everything I do, even salads.  Joel is another story.  He has actually been my biggest challenge.

     I've felt a shift in my relationship with food.  I see now why we have cake at birthdays and why sweets should be reserved for very limited, special occasions.  I was living like everyday is Christmas.  My diet was very poor.  I wasn't eating enough, and what I was eating was very high in sugar.  Cereals for breakfast, jams, bread, pasta dishes, etc.  I have had more energy in the past two weeks than I can remember when.  That being said, tomorrow is the 4th and Saturday I have a wedding to go to and I have more anxiety about the food than I should.  I will probably eat before the cookout tomorrow and obviously be mindful at the wedding.

     This whole experience has really opened my eyes to how food is used in society, it is very much the center of socialization in America.  It doesn't make things easy.  But with time comes the comfort of habit.  Once I get this down to a habit it will be so much easier.  I'm halfway there.  30 days is the goal to make something a habit... do something 30 times and it will be hard to break away from it.

     I can do this!

     I also read some wise words from someone else who is currently going through this... she said it's okay to be angry, but don't let your anger blind you to the fact that you are being given a chance to completely start over.

2 comments:

  1. You are doing an amazing job!! I totally agree with what you said about it being torture to have a little serving of ice cream. I'm an all or nothing kinda girl. I'm glad your energy is high and you're feeling great. You CAN do it! :)
    Happy fourth of July!!
    Sending love your way!
    Xoxoxox
    Thank you for all your amazing words and support!
    Maria

    ReplyDelete
  2. wow! I really hope you adjust soon and enjoy this journey. It's tough but you'll make the best out of it

    ReplyDelete

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