Monday, October 29, 2012

Thursday, October 25, 2012


October 25, 2012 (7 weeks old)... his first smile caught on camera.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

our 5 year anniversary

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." 
-Lao Tzu


This year takes the cake.  It was simple, quiet and our gift to each other were words and promises.  My parents watched the boys while we went to dinner.  Afterwards we went to a quiet place on a hill, so we could watch the sunset on the water.  We laid a blanket down and read our letters to each other.

Looking at Joel, the sun was directly behind him with that perfect golden glow and haze.  Like something out of a movie.  He went first. 

"To My Best Friend,
   I can not believe how fast time has went by.  I love you so much.  You have given me so much in the past 5 years.  Two wonderful boys, who you are a great mother towards.  And of course you deal with me and all my drama.  I wouldn't change a thing in our story.  I'm proud to call you my wife and the mother of my kids.  You mean everything to all of us.  You keep this family together.  As we go through our day today, we will be both thinking about our little boys. We have became the best parents those boys could get.  And I would like to thank you because not only have they taught me to be a better father/person you have too.  I promise to uphold all my old vows for another 100 years.  As far as my new promises/vows to you they are the following:  I promise not to eat 10 packs of fruit snacks anymore, fatty fast food, and stop other bad habits etc.  I'm doing this to support you and to look after my health.  I love you.  I love my life.  I love my family.

Love Your FOR-EVVVEERRRR<----------------(forever)

I gave him a kiss and then read mine. 

"As I write my five year letter to you, I can hear you in the room next door feeding and talking to our two week old son, Jude.  The last time I wrote my vows, I was 30,000 ft. in the air… times have changed my love. 

You are still my best friend and better half.  You are the person that can make a room come alive.  And since I’ve married you, I’ve learned through the difficult times, that you somehow you always know the right thing to say.

Five whole years… 

I remember telling myself to take in every moment on our wedding day.  And I surprised myself with how calm and ready I was to be your wife.  I was so sure.  It feels good to remember just happiness and calmness on our wedding day.  

I remember our honeymoon and when you found that tire in the ocean and thought it was a dead body.  The moment when you deleted ALL of our vacation photos at that restaurant on the pier.  “Get that snatch” (This is where Joel started to laugh uncontrollably, which is a difficult task to accomplish with him) and the sushi place “Zero” where I thought I got… well, you know.  I remember laughing with you, riding bikes with you on the boardwalk and sleeping on you during the flight home. 

I love the crazy memories I share with you.  I honestly cannot imagine my life without you.  No one in this world compares to you. 

You are an amazing father, and husband.  I probably don’t say that nearly enough, but I am so proud that my son’s have you for a Dad. 

You work so hard to support our family and I am so extremely proud of you. 

And I don’t know if I’ve ever said it, but thank you for letting me be the mother I want to be.  I get to stay home with our boys and care for them… and it’s truly a gift.  I am so glad we are on the same page for so many major life decisions. 

And thank you for loving me.  I can honestly say I love you more today than the day I married you.  I remember when I use to be unsure how love changes during the years, but the love I hold for you comes with a lot of trust in you, a lot of respect in you, a lot of difficult situations overcome, it’s a bit different from the day I said, “I do” but it’s just a more solid love for you that is strong and comes with a lot more wisdom. 
I still look at you from across the room and wonder how I got so lucky. 
I promise to love you forever. 

I love you with my whole heart Joel, 

To love and be loved...

After we read our letters, we kissed, hugged and walked back to the car so we could catch a movie together.  

It was the perfect 5 year anniversary.

*All images in this post were taken by Kim Long Photography

Thursday, October 18, 2012

balancing life with two kids

"Wherever you go, there you are."

"The door to simplicity opens itself when we actively welcome it in: this means doing less in a hurry, so we can actually experience more.

We can invite simplicity to counter the impulses to split our attention by engaging in doing one thing at a time, and, to truly show up for it.

Each day offers an opportunity to practice inviting simplicity: sharing a meal with a loved one (and really being with that person: listening carefully, cell phone away); or taking a 15-minute mindful walk and just noticing the surrounding life; or stepping outside of the office to feel the sun on our face; or simply granting ourselves the permission for non-doing – opting to have no agenda at all – for a few hours on a weekend."
-Cat Li Stevenson

There was no balancing yesterday.

It was either one kid or the other, and everything else got put on hold.  Joel started back to work yesterday, officially six weeks he was home with us and I know how lucky we are that we had that time with him.

My goal yesterday was just to get through the day with love and patience while caring for both Jude and Jack, everything else could wait.  I wanted to be in the moment.

We took a walk so Jack could get some energy out, while Jude slept on my chest in the moby wrap.  The best of the both worlds for both boys.

I fed, changed, soothed, kissed, read, changed band-aids, decorated a pumpkin with mr. potato head stuff (a quick decorating idea from my Aunt Susie) and gave baths.

And when I thought my duties were over at 9 pm... Jude decided he still needed me.  He needed to be held, to be loved and to be snuggled.  So I gave myself 5 minutes of "me time" to wash my face, brush my teeth, change my clothes, all while he screamed and cried.

Then I took him in my arms, laid down in our queen size bed, breathed him in, held him close and went to sleep.  I woke up an hour or two later and laid Jude in his rock n play for the night, and I went back to sleep.

Joel got home late because he helped a friend who locked his keys in his car.

He is a good man.

We had two hours together this morning until he left again for work.  He held Jude most of the time, and I could tell it's killing him working second shift.  We are so happy he'll be starting 1st shift soon.  The rushing all around is not something we want in our lives.

I stole some "me time" today by taking full advantage of the swing and kids netflix, and I'm not going to feel guilty, I'm not going to feel guilty, I'm not going to feel guilty <--- today's mantra.

And hopefully tonight I'll be able to start into my mediation book again (I gave up entirely too early) and pick up two magazines I treated myself to in line at the store a few days back.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Jude's 1 month old

Time is slipping away from us.  I held Jude today and just kept saying, "you are getting so chunky, I love chunky babies!"  He has already gained over two pounds and an inch since birth.  He spends most of his days being held and snuggled since Joel is still on paternity leave with us and we're not out-numbered yet.

Today I decided to do the "one photo a month" and here is our first take.  Technically he's one month and 10 days old here.

I'm going to put him in the same chair, with the same elephant each time to see how he grows and also a close-up of his face.  I'm pretty excited.

Things have been moving so quickly lately, I have so many things to share!  Lots of posts & photos to come (hopefully sooner than later).  And tomorrow I go for another three-hour glucose test... here's hoping my body is back to normal.

Oh and yes, Jude has unfortunately lost most of his hair... except the party in the back which you can't see from these photos, ha!

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

burnt eggs

So, I burnt the shit outa breakfast today.


Because this song came on pandora and I decided to grab Jack, who was in the living room watching "My Little Ponies" (don't hate) and dance like crazy.

I got lost in the moment, nothing else was on my mind except making my four-year-old smile, laugh and move to the beat.

Sometimes it's hard to be completely present, but those burnt eggs were proof that I was.  And I've never been happier scraping a pan of burn eggs into the trash.

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