"Being a mother is not about what you gave up to have a child, but what you've gained from having one."
- Sunny GuptaDear Jack,
Last night, while I was lying in bed snuggled beside you... with only your small Christmas tree lighting the room, I asked you not to forget this moment.
I wanted us both to remember.
It wasn't anything monumental, but it was us... and it's all the small moments combined that make warm memories.
And this is me remembering.
I was in my bedroom asleep next to your Dad and Jude when I awoke from a deep sleep and said your name before you even said a word.
You were at the foot of our bed and whispered that you needed to pee.
It's something you always do. I think you're too tired to go alone, so I led you to the bathroom and you took care of business.
Afterwards, we went to your room and you asked me to sing to you. I sang the usual- "twinkle twinkle little star"and "you are my sunshine" while I scratched your back.
Afterwards you asked me a lot of questions, things I don't recall because I kept falling asleep next to you while still answering. I probably made no sense.
Then I told you I had to go back to my bed because I was going to fall asleep for good soon.
You told me I could stay the whole night if I wanted. Then you told me how much you wanted me to stay.
Before answering you, I thought about the parents of the victims who would do anything for a night of snuggles. Then I tried to shake the thought, looking at you and thinking of that tragedy does not mix well for me.
Then that Mommy voice deep inside told me to accept your offer because you're only little once. So I said, "How about I go get my blankey and stay with you?"
You were so happy.
So I got my blanket and came back to snuggle with you. I was a bit more awake now, and I was just laying there when you told me, "I think my pillow is growing ears."
I looked up and sure enough, a corner of your pillow was pushed up against the wall and looked like a small triangular ear was emerging.
I laughed and kissed your head. And told you I thought you were right.
We snuggled forehead to forehead and told each other how much we loved each other.
Then you said you could hear Jude crying. I told you to "quick go to sleep" so hopefully your Dad would take care of him, but he came in and shook my leg.
I promised I'd be back and you reluctantly let me go.
I helped care for Jude, and you wondered back into our room.
Dad took you back to your room and promised I would be in after I fed Jude.
So I came back, laid beside you, and the first thing you told me was, "Dad's breath was stinky. I think he forgot to brush his teeth."
You are always making me laugh.
I hope you remember small moments like last night and I hope I always remember too.
I love you to the moon and back,