Thursday, January 17, 2013

no more babies

“You can't be neutral on a moving train.” 
-Howard Zinn

I have struggled with the reality that I will never be pregnant again for the past few weeks.  It's not that I want more children, it's just that I don't like having my options taken away.

And while I am 80% sure I'm done and our family is complete, Joel was 99% sure.  So we did what we thought was best for our family and Joel got a vasectomy. 

I told myself that if God wants us to have another baby, it will happen on it's own... through some miracle, and that rational alone- comforts that 20% of me that is unsure.

Pregnancy never agreed with me, and to be honest I've been feeling nauseous, so the night before the procedure, I actually took a pregnancy test, probably the last one- ever...

The indifference when you're holding that test stick is strange.  But I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw one line.

That I was alone in that bathroom.

My body was, selfishly, still mine.

We both agreed in the car that we never thought we'd be making such a big decision so young, that if you asked us a year ago... we'd never believe we'd be considering such a big change.

But life is like that, sneaking up on you with major life decisions that need to be taken into consideration even if you're not exactly ready.

So...

Cheers to unprotected sex! Ha :)

4 comments:

  1. Cheers! :) I love your honesty and words always, Olivia! I bet it's a bittersweet feeling. You rock! Xoxox
    Maria

    ReplyDelete
  2. and not having to pay for birth control!

    rest assured, God will have His way regardless :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree Beth, and that's what's comforting to me. Regardless of how much we plan, he will always have the final say... and if wants us to have more babies- we will :)

      Delete

"Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime." -Dale Carnegie

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