Tuesday, March 12, 2013

sh!t my kid says

“I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints.” 
-Billy Joel

I actually write this stuff down as it happens.

I know everyone thinks their child is hilarious... and I am no exception.

Jack IS hilarious. 

[Exhibit 1] 

Me: "Jack it's time to get ready to go." 
Jack: "Your boobs are getting ready." (good one)

Jack: "Mom, your breath smells like dirty garbage."

Jack: "Where is baby Jesus?"  
(In a very angry and serious tone.)
Then I realized he's talking about the Christmas manager I put away.

Me: "Jude doesn't know better Jack."
Jack: "He needs to know better!"

Jack: "Is Jude real?"

Jack: "Where is that little holiday?" (referring to Valentines Day)

Jack: "Booberry" (Blueberry)

Me: "Jack just poke your head in and ask Daddy if he wants an omelet."
Jack: "You want me to poke him in the head?"

Jack: (Hands me a piece of paper)
"This says you hurt my feelings."

Jack: Actually scratching his nails on a chalkboard. (AHH)

Me: "What do you want for lunch?"
Jack: "Porridge." 

Me: Being the lady that I am... I come out of the bathroom and say, "Boy that was a stinky one."
Jack: "Yea good job mom!  I've been working on a big one."

Me: "Jack you're yawning, I think it's time for bed."
Jack: (In a pleading tone) "But I won't yawn anymore."

Me: (At dinner with lots of people laughing.)
Jack: (whispers in my ear) "Mom, say penis."
Me: "WHAT WHY?" lol
Jack: "Because it's funny."

[Exhibit II]

I was just about to tell Jack not to play with his oranges until he said, 
"Look, it's you Mom!"
(Awww...)

Jack: "Look!  Mom yelling!"
(hmmm lol)

Almost.

In the tub singing, "Mama Ma Mama Mama Maaaaaaa."
Someone got into Daddy's bedside table.
Those are CONDOMS on his hands and feet.
After we got them off... he was slipping and sliding all over the kitchen because of the lube. 

Right after Jude was born, I was in the bathroom and Jack hadn't seen a tampon in almost a year. 
He asked all the questions a child his age would.  

I was honest, yet vague. 

He actually said, "That sounds dangerous." Ha!

Then he asked if he could see one and said, 
"I promise I won't put it in my vagina."
More explaining.

Then I let him see one and open it, push it out, etc.

Fast forward to the following morning.
Jack kept talking about protecting the tadpoles.
I was so tired I just said the auto responses we give our children at the butt crack of dawn.

Then I noticed my tampons were missing.

He took all my tampons and put them in baggies to "protect" them.
I found them on the living room couch. Ha!

Share those stories!  I want to hear them, how hilarious are your kiddos?

Connie would you like to borrow my binoculars? lol
(a little inside joke)

4 comments:

  1. hahahah.....I love what little people say! Write a book...I'm telling you, people will love it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No you write a book! haha

      Ps. My DivaCup review is up!!! AHHHH lol

      Delete
  2. Hahahahaha! He is awesome! He bagged up your tampons!!
    And made out out of orange slices!!
    I love "I've been working on a big one!" Hahaha! You make me even more excited to have kids! Xoxox

    ReplyDelete

"Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime." -Dale Carnegie

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