I really need to start meditating.Follow my blog with Bloglovin
Why can't I put two words, two paragraphs, two pages together and have them be seamless in thought?
Today I had an appointment with my new dermatologist. I had a scary mole looked at... I was told not to fret, and then we discussed a few other skin issues I was having.
The words slowly turned into... "that looks like a result of diabetes."
(This is where you would hear the screeching noise as the music is shut off.)
How many times did I play the paranoid patient pushing for tests to clarify that I do not still have diabetes after having gestational diabetes with Jude?
How many times did a previous dermatologist and two other physicians look at what she looked at today and not given me answers. How many years have I had this?
I have had this redish rash on my legs, and it's come and gone for the last couple years. No one knew what it was. One said it was a side effect of medications, another said it was a heat rash... the list goes on. She even said if it's not caused my diabetes they can take a sample and find out for sure (why the hell hasn't anyone else done this?)
I honestly think I've had diabetes for years.
At my last doctor's appointment I was told I was spilling protein in my urine. They didn't have any answers why. And now I think I do.
I'm angry for falling through the cracks, I'm angry at myself for not pushing harder... but mostly I'm thankful for my new knowledgeable dermatologist. I just want answers. She ordered all the labs a dermatologist shouldn't have to order.
I put myself back on a diabetic diet today and started walking again.
I know it's all about perspective, and I'm changing. I did it once, twice... and third time's a charm they say. I can do this. I can be that girl who lives with diabetes and does it by diet and exercise alone.