Friday, June 14, 2013

Burning Bridges

I don't have a secret facebook account.

I did have a dormant account so I could keep my photography business page alive.  I had zero friends.  I spent two hours one night deleting all of my friends and relatives.  It was odd, but freeing.

I've been facebook free for over six months now, but I recently noticed facebook changed their privacy policies once again and I am no longer private and hidden.

So I officially deleted myself, and made a Jane Doe account for admin of my business page.  Why didn't I do this before?  I guess the thought of losing everything I've ever wrote on my wall made me nervous... like I'd really go back and reminisce (ain't nobody got time for that).

You know how some people are hoarders in real life, well there are digital hoarders too.  They're the ones afraid to delete files, online accounts or old email addresses.  Let it go.  Seriously.  Your slow computer and cluttered inbox will thank me.

Anyways, the reason for this post is I felt like I needed to explain.  You know, just in case anyone has done a search, found me and can't for the life of them figure out why I don't want to be their friend.  I do want to be your friend, just not on facebook :)  I use it purely for business.

I wrote the article below the night I decided to leave facebook, which is a bit silly to some but it was a big part of my life at the time.  I also submitted this to an online community for publishing so I wasn't able to share then, but I can now.

And whenever I get the itch to return, I read it.

Written January 9, 2013

I decided tonight, after some misunderstandings, that I am officially breaking up with facebook.  I'm actually pretty bummed about it.  But the reality that I am sad, kind of makes it more obvious that we need to separate.  For good.

I'm not the type to say goodbye and return.  I've had my share of "facebook breaks” with my last following the Sandy Hook school shooting.  Instead of mourning in peace, lots of people used the tragedy to push their political views.

But saying goodbye altogether, I didn't dare utter the words.  Plus, I have a business to run and networking is where it's at.  That has always been my excuse.

My husband deleted his a few months ago.  He's happier.  He tells me all the time I'd be happier too.  In fact, there have been a few times that I shared some drama from the book with him and he flat out told me not to share with him anymore because it ruins his day.  Sometimes I forget how wise he is.

He said facebook was the source for people to make mountains out of molehills.  Facebook was good at pointing out molehills for me so I didn't miss them.  It all felt like an epiphany.

So tonight, I told my husband that I'm doing it.  It's the push I've been waiting for.

"I'm going to delete my facebook," I said.

He told me, "don't delete it just because you're angry, do it because you want to!"

It felt like I was standing at the edge of a cliff about to jump into water and he's telling me to think twice when he's already jumped and had a good time.

"Give me the laptop before I change my mind!" I told him.

I went to delete but couldn't figure out how to separate my business page and my personal without deleting both.  I was in limbo.  Do I deactivate or do I send a request to have everything removed?  Do I open a Jane Doe account and keep running my business page?

I'm leaning towards letting it all go... torching the bridge and watching it burn.

To be completely honest and weird, I've asked myself the question of what people like Benjamin Franklin would have thought of facebook.  I can only imagine, and part of me thinks he wouldn't like it much.

“Some people die at 25 and aren’t buried until 75.”  -Benjamin Franklin

See… wise.

The person I had an argument with today quoted Benjamin Franklin at my wedding in her toast.

Our relationship will mend, and we will eventually move on, but I think facebook will not be the remedy, not that it was the culprit, but it definitely didn't help the situation.  And while we're being honest, it wasn't the first time we've had a misunderstanding on facebook.

Facebook came with a lot of guilt and responsibility.
Always feeling the need to type out a "Happy Birthday" when the reminder popped up
Feeling the need to accept friend requests from every single person I've ever met in my life
The pressure to network
Feeling the need to constantly lift some one's spirit or offer advice
Lost time.  When I always exceeded my “15 minutes only” rule.
The "hide" option.  Probably 75% of my "friends" were hidden in my feed.  I couldn't see a thing they posted because I didn't want to.  How is that a "friend?"

Moments that were private within our home were always followed by a thought about sharing on facebook.  My mind started to talk in facebook updates.  I was blowing up the feed with photos of my kids and all my instagram photos.

And the part that I didn’t want to admit to… the judging.

“A person that judges others will inevitably judge themselves harshly. It is only when one stops judging others that, that one can truly appreciate the beauty within.” ― Ando Oomae

Realizing that I was thinking about facebook when I wasn't even actively on it, judging others and plotting my next post made me realize it's not a place for me.  It wasn't good for my soul.

So that's it, I'm officially breaking up with facebook.  I imagine it will slowly but surely make my life more peaceful.

And peace is what I want.


  1. Thanks man for using my quote, I love the fact that more and more people are realizing this and not only me.

    1. How awesome you found my blog :)
      Thanks for stopping by, and of course the words of wisdom, it's a great quote.

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