Saturday, August 31, 2013

a week of meditating

“You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” 
 -Marcus Aurelius

I've always liked the idea of meditating.

I read books about it and thought about it but I never really committed.  It was scary, could I really think of nothing for 20 minutes?

Would I be like Julia Roberts in "Eat, Pray, Love" where she closes her eyes only to open them one minute later frustrated?

When I couldn't find my meditation book this week (that I swore I'd read through before I began again)... I decided to just say fuck it and do it already.  So I did.

It was easy and it was hard, the time past quickly and sometimes it seemed to lag on.  Some days I was great at returning to my breath and other days I'd realize I was majority daydreaming and I'd bring myself back.

The main thing was, I did it and I was gentle with myself.  Whenever I had a thought, I'd acknowledge it and then I'd let it go and focus again on my breathing.

Meditating is accepting yourself just as you, and being with yourself.

It's amazing what you start to realize about yourself, since you're aware of your thoughts and daydreams... you watch them go by and see what is truly on your mind and what you really want.

And I honestly think I've been more present and relaxed because of it.

If you've never meditated, here's a brief rundown:
Find a quiet spot.
Sit in a comfortable upright position with legs crossed (so you don't fall asleep).
Set a timer for 20 minutes (or less if you're a bit nervous, I did 10 minutes at the beginning).
Close your eyes and focus on your breath.
Try to clear your mind.
Be gentle with yourself though, you're going to have thoughts.
Don't get frustrated, acknowledge the thoughts, but don't judge them and gently return your focus to your breathing.

Here are a lot of health benefits to meditating if you're curious.

Consider this your prescription.  It's free and you've got nothing to lose.

I find the best time for me (since I've got a house full of boys) is right before bed.

photo source

Wednesday, August 28, 2013


Joel and I have been facebook and cellphone free for quite awhile now.  It was liberating, and it was isolating.

I liked being disconnected.  I'm somewhat of an introvert (but I can put on a mean extrovert suit when feeling up for it) so it made being a hermie that much easier.  

But today, while I sat through Jack's preschool orientation, and yesterday's soccer orientation, I realized that I'm shutting a lot of people out.  I'm limiting the ways people can reach me.

The thought of Jack being in someone else's care and limiting their resources to contact me- upsets me. 

And the older he gets, the more I'm going to lean on technology to calm my fears and keep us connected.

Why am I fighting this?

I started a new facebook account.  A fresh start with a new perspective.  

Facebook is for fun, not to be taken so seriously.  I need to realize that people sharing their problems on the world wide web is not my responsibility to fix.  Crazies?  Ignore!

It's like having this giant family and while getting together can cause a bit of drama, in the end it's totally worth it.

I think we're coming back to the twentieth century. 


Thursday, August 22, 2013

Jude's 1st steps

Jude took his first steps today. 

He let go of the couch and walked three or four steps into my arms.  I hugged him tight and said lots of praises, I think Jack was just as excited as I was... telling Jude he did a great job.  Jude was squealing and so happy.  

Wednesday, August 21, 2013


I've been reading more, and writing less.

Working more and cleaning less.

I've been making a point to be present when I'm with my boys.

I snuggle Jude close and breath him in as he drifts off to sleep in my arms before bed.

I linger in Jack's room after a book, prayer and songs.  I answer his 20 questions, kiss his nose and tell him to stay in bed... exactly what he won't do.  He'll wonder into my room and tell me he's scared and I'll walk him back several times.  He's not scared, he just knows I don't get mad at little kids wondering into my room late at night... he knows how soft I really am.

My hair is getting long, my bangs are past my chin and I've just noticed how much I need a haircut.  Dark roots are coming in and I'm not sure when all this time went by because it seems like my brain is just now catching up.

My birthday went as quickly as it came.  It was a simple, happy birthday.  A new book, trick candles and a slice of pineapple upside-down cheesecake made it sweet.

I've been going to bed early and waking up late.

And I'm going to turn in early tonight.

Sweet dreams.

Friday, August 16, 2013

cloth diaper update

Right now things are going pretty smoothly.  I wash every other day, and we stopped disposables at night.

Our nighttime and nap solution is to use three inserts, and a hemp doubler under that.

I'm really happy I bought all FLIP diapers, they're great and I rarely have a leak since I double up during the day.  That might sound like a lot of fluff, but since FLIPS are so trim it's not a big deal.  

I've found during our cloth journey that the diaper I got for free with our order, the elite fuzzibunz is not good for us.  It leaks almost every time.  I only use it if I'm running low.  This diaper costs more than a FLIPS. 

I also got a diaper as a gift from a cloth diapering friend.  I believe it's an ALVA baby diaper, and it also leaks on us now.  

I'm not using cloth wipes right now, except when I run out of regular wipes.  It's not as hard to separate the wipe and diaper as I had originally thought. 

The sprayer is being used more often as Jude is eating more solids, and since we have hard water I noticed the power of the spray was being limited, so I dipped it in CLR and it cleared right up. 

My only complaint is, it seems whenever I do wash since I'm using more inserts at once... I'm down to 3 diapers while I do wash.  Just makes me a bit nervous.  We're not against buying diapers if we need to, we have when I was behind on wash and it's nice to use disposables while out and about.  But, if we double up, and add a hemp insert... we're good to go. 

As for my Planet Wise pail liners, they're holding up great, my on the go wet-bags however have taken a beating.  The ALVA baby wetbags I got as a gift have both broke around the zipper but the Planet Wise has held up well... despite me bleaching the cute owls on the outside (do not bleach your wet bags!)  I also have the large bag, which holds everything nicely, the ALVA's were a bit small. 

Oh and one more thing, FLIPS has a bunch of new adorable colors!  Boo... I would buy them if we needed more, but we don't.  They're super cute. 

Friday, August 9, 2013

Coffee Date #1

So there's this blogger, Alissa, and I've come to be a big fan.  I love her coffee dates and I decided to finally join in, not by vlog yet though because I'm not that brave.  But here goes...

Grab a cup of jo and join in... if we were having coffee, this is what I'd tell you about my week...

First, I'm drinking home-brewed Starbucks willow coffee with a white mocha creamer (yum!) and I'm still in my pj's.

I'm sitting on the couch, Jude's taking a nap and Jack's playing with his train set on the kitchen table.

This week has been rough for us.  Joel's been working insane hours since the inmate escaped from the prison, yes you read that right.  Joel's already put in around 60 hours and today is just now Friday.  Everyone keeps saying, "ohhhh just think of all that money."  Sorry, but fuck the money!  Seriously, I just want Joel home!  Not helping.

Apparently they have video footage of the guy stealing a truck so he's getting desperate and reckless, I hope they catch him soon so things can get back to normal for us.

This is where I'd say I'm not going to be a Debbie Downer anymore and move onto other things...

Jack starts preschool soon!  It's hard to wrap my head around, which reminds me I still need his pediatrician to sign off on his medical stuff.  He bought his first backpack- camo colored and he's so pumped.  He's in the bumblebee class.  Oh and his first season of soccer starts soon... totally pumped for that since it was my first love growing up.

If we were having coffee, I'd tell you next week is my birthday, the big 2-6.  And I have no idea what we're doing, but I told Joel the only thing I want is a porch swing.  My parents have a wood one that my grandpa made sitting in their garage and Dad already said I could borrow it.  So they just have to set it up, that's all I want, seriously!

See I'm easy to please.  Okay, maybe Cheesecake Factory too ;)

If we were having coffee I'd tell you I'm planning a double birthday for the boys next month.  They're only three weeks apart, why not?  I'll have separate parties when someone complains.  Jack will be five, and Jude the big 1!  It's going to be circus theme and I'm super excited.  We're having it at our place and we're talking about getting the boys a trampoline and playground.  Of course it depends on the budget, but we have zero outdoor toys for them and we have BOYS!  They need something to help burn off all that energy.  I'm designing their invites and it's going to be a huge party.

Ek, I almost forgot Jack wants a lizard or other type of creature for his birthday so we're in the market for one, any suggestions welcome.  No snakes!  We want something easy to care for, not too expensive, and durable.

If we were having coffee I'd tell you work isn't going as smoothly as I'd like.  Fitting in the time to edit with Joel's schedule is rough.  I moved my desk into the bedroom to have more privacy but after we have coffee I'm moving it back out to the living room.  I'm just going to have to devote my mornings to it while the boys play.  While it's rough finding the time to edit, it's going really well and I'm happy with my new site, just need to work on the mobile end of it.

Joel?  We're doing good, we're in desperate need of a date night though.  I'd love to go to a drive-in-movie or canoeing!  I'd also like to invite more people over so can just hang out at home.  Make this place more fun and more of a haven.  Did I mention next month is our six year wedding anniversary?  We're also in the market for a kickass babysitter.  One that can drive! lol  Maybe I should go butter up to the neighbors who live down the hill... I think they have a teenager or two.

If we were having coffee, I'd tell you I'm doing the couch to 5k program and ask if you'd like to run a 5k with me next Spring.  No I'm serious! haha.  I've been working out everyday and eating super healthy and trying my best to get a full night's rest.  Never thought I'd turn to the treadmill when I was stressed, but it's helped me a lot this week with everything we're going through since the inmate escaped Monday.  It's hard understanding all these emotions I'm having.

But, enough about me, what about you?

Sunday, August 4, 2013


According to Myers-Briggs I'm one-of-a-kind and only 1-3% of the population is an INFJ.  At first I thought that was a fun fact, but the older I get the more I realize how different I really am.

I – Introversion preferred to extraversion: INFJs tend to be quiet and reserved. They generally prefer interacting with a few close friends rather than a wide circle of acquaintances, and they expend energy in social situations (whereas extraverts gain energy).

N – Intuition preferred to sensing: INFJs tend to be more abstract than concrete. They focus on the big picture rather than the details, and on future possibilities rather than immediate realities.

F – Feeling preferred to thinking: INFJs tend to value personal considerations above objective criteria. When making decisions, they often give more weight to social implications than to logic.

J – Judgment preferred to perception: INFJs tend to plan their activities and make decisions early. They derive a sense of control through predictability.

I thought about making a facebook account again.

It's been seven or eight months since I've had one.

Sometimes I miss the interactions, but being on facebook sucked a lot of energy out of me.  I didn't know how to put it into words at the time, but I knew I needed a break.  It was overwhelming reading the thoughts, feelings and actions of 400+ people.

Being an introvert, I've noticed how small my circle really is, but I love the people I share it with.
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